


Special Recipe

by Darknightjess (orphan_account), jay_linden



Series: The Tattoo [4]
Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Humor, M/M, Plot What Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-18
Updated: 2009-11-18
Packaged: 2017-10-03 07:39:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Darknightjess, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jay_linden/pseuds/jay_linden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was written in honor of Dennis Hopper's birthday, which was May 17th.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Special Recipe

"Okay." Karl says, chewing his lip and staring at the piece of paper. "This is the recipe that Vicky emailed." He glances up at Viggo and then at the ingredients sitting on the counter. "I think I got everything. I forgot the fucking figs and had to go back. She says it's his favorite, his grandmama made it." He looks back at his lover. "Vig, who the fuck was Lady Baltimore?"

"I don't know," Viggo says thoughtfully, getting up and looking over Karl's shoulder at the recipe, _accidentally_ pressing up against him. "I suppose it's possible that Lady Baltimore is Dennis's grandmama."

Karl snorts. "I ain't calling Dennis 'Lord Hopper'." He exhales and shifts against Viggo before stepping away. "Cake first, fuck later."

"Crazy bastard'd either get off on it or be horrified," Viggo grins, watching Karl walk away. "Fine, have it your way. I can help," he says, rolling up his paint-covered sleeves.

"I love you pretty much more than -well anything -but.." Karl turns and looks at Viggo appraisingly. "When was the last time you bathed?"

"I had a shower this morning," Viggo says, lazily indignant. "And then went and worked out in the garden... and then painted for awhile..."

"Uh huh." Karl squints at the man and then chuckles when he feels his cock twitch as he thinks about Viggo in the shower. He shakes his head and hands the man the printed out recipe. "You read it for me."

Viggo sighs, taking the recipe from Karl and grabbing his hand, pulling him up close and murmuring against his lips. "You need a white cake first. In three layers, eight inch round. Do you have a white cake, Karl?"

"I got eight inches, does that count?" Karl smiles and dips his head to kiss Viggo's neck.

"I don't know... I think I'm going to need to see some proof of that before I believe you," Viggo murmurs, tilting his head to give Karl better access. "I'm not sure that kind of eight inches is in Lady Baltimore's recipe either."

"That must have been why she was such a lady then." Karl snickers, mouthing the warm neck. "Proof huh?" He reaches and pulls Viggo's hand to rub against the bulge of his erection, before blinking and pulling away. "Wait, we need to do this Baltimore person first."

"I'm really not all that very interested in the Baltimore person right now, Karl," Viggo points out, adjusting his pants quickly. "I think we should just give up, bring Dennis a six pack of beer and glue candles to the top of it." He pauses a moment. "Vicky'd kick our asses, wouldn't she?"

"Not mine." Karl says, shaking his head. "I'd fake a brain injury and swear it was all your idea. That little red-headed woman scares the shite out of me." He shudders. "C'mon now, we're grown, intelligent men. We can do this. And I got a mix for the cake part, so that's just adding water and oil and eggs. Easy!"

"You'd sell me down the river to Vicky? And here I thought you loved me," Viggo grouses, dropping down into a chair, which is about the only way he's going to keep from touching Karl right now. "Fine, fine, go ahead. Eggs, water, oil, cake."

When Viggo slouches in the chair, Karl licks his lips and considers dropping to his knees and burying his face in the man's crotch. He clears his throat and blinks. "Yeah yeah, cake."

Some spills, two broke eggs, a few minor squabbles over licking the spoon, lost by Karl gibbering a bit as soon as he saw Viggo's tongue and the cake was in the oven.

"Alright, the filling gets made while that cooks." Karl says, eyeing Viggo and trying to shift his stance to alleviate the pressure in his groin.

Viggo ignores the look Karl's giving him for the moment, brow furrowed as he looks at the recipe. "Are you sure she isn't just messing with us giving us this? This is complicated stuff here... stirring boiling sugar... I don't know."

Moving to read the recipe, Karl tilts his head. "How the hell do we know when it gets to 234 degrees? Kind of bloody specific innit?" He asks and squints at the recipe. "You sure she isn't still mad about you getting Dennis pissed on those rum and sugar drinks and sending him home last week?"

"Me! You were the one who fed him chili first," Viggo reaches around and gives Karl a gentle swat across the ass. "Don't try to weasel out of that one, Urban- you're just as responsible as I am."

Karl jumps, snorting out a laugh. "Yeah, he said he was hosing off the driveway for an hour that next day." He shakes his head, highly amused. "Okay, so boil this shite and then whip some egg whites and combine them. Easy. Kind of like a heavy meringue." He nods and starts pulling some bowls down.

There's a joke there to be made about meringue, or egg whites, but Viggo's not quite _that_ crass. In theory. Right now, he's just enjoying being distracted by Karl reaching up and getting things out of the cupboard, murmuring softly under his breath and letting his hand drift over the front of his pants. "Nice... just keep doing that, and I'll entertain myself."

Karl peeks at Viggo from under his upraised arm. "You can't wank in the kitchen! It's not sanitary! And it's damned distracting, you mad bastard." Karl says, eyes going impossibly darker as he stalks to the chair and places his hands on the back of it, tipping Viggo before kissing him. "See?" He questions as he stands up, adjusting himself.

Viggo licks his lips and tilts his head to the side, grinning maddeningly. "I can't see how it's not sanitary- you're going to be way over there cooking, and I'm way over here at the table. It's impressive that you think I've got that kind of distance, but it's just not the case. Besides, you know I love it when you get domestic," he adds, pressing his hand down against his cock again and letting out a groan that a porn star would call dirty.

"I hate you." Karl says and moves back to the counter. He turns and watches Viggo a second, a low growl building in his throat before he smirks. "Fine, you want domestic. Wait." He holds up a finger and stomps from the room. Five minutes later he returns, naked except for a dainty yellow cloth tied around his waist.

His hand stills as he leans forward, head tilting even further. "What in... is that the table cloth from the table in the guest room?" he says, utterly baffled. "You're completely insane."

"It's my apron." Karl curtseys and then yelps, jumping forward as his bare ass hits the cold metal of the refrigerator.

Viggo starts to laugh as Karl jumps back from the fridge, slipping out of the chair and onto the floor, tears welling up in his eyes he's laughing so hard.

Karl narrows his eyes and then starts to laugh. Moving to his damn-near hysterical lover, Karl snatches his apron off and tosses it across the room. "My arse is cold. Wanna rub it and warm it up?" He asks, waggling his eyebrows.

"This is... this is like bad porn on an epic scale," Viggo gasps out, his hand coming up to wipe away tears. Kneeling up, he grabs Karl's hand and draws him closer; letting both his hands wander over Karl's ass. "Did the mean fridge get you, Karl?" he murmurs, looking up... kind of sympathetically.

"Baum bau bau baum - chica ba bau!" Karl hums out in his best porn music imitation. His laugh slides into a groan as he feels Viggo's hands on him. "We haven't fucked in the kitchen - um - today."

"If you can remember when the last time was, I'll let you fuck me," Viggo promises, digging his fingers in tight and sliding his lips over the head of Karl's cock.

"Week from Tuesday." Karl says, groaning. "After - fuck - afternoon. We - god - had to hurry 'cause the game was starting."

Viggo's lips slide back up again, releasing Karl's cock with a moist pop. "Very good, Karl. My ass is yours, pick a location."

"Stand. Lean on the counter. Fuck yeah." Karl scrambles up and opens the drawer, scrabbling before coming up with lube. "Bingo!"

Viggo moves smoothly to his feet, well-worn jeans hitting the floor, his shirt coming off moments later. Kicking his jeans aside, he goes over to the nearest counter, resting his forearms against it and looking over his shoulder with a grin.

Karl laughs. "Cocky bastard." He says and slicks his cock and fingers, moving to Viggo and slides his hand down his cleft, finger pressing gently into him. The other hand rubs at the wide back, scratching lightly and rubbing the warm skin. He leans in, finger slipping in and out, stretching and opening.

"I'm not cocky- just-" Viggo cuts off with a hiss, spreading his legs a little wider, granting further access. "Just know what you like," he finishes, his head dropping forward with a soft moan.

"Yeah, you do." Karl says and adds a second finger. He groans out, a harsh rusty sound as he finally pulls his fingers out and grips the base of his cock, pressing the thick dark head to Viggo's pucker and pressing inward. "You - it's just you I like, always."

"Just... just like?" Viggo manages to tease, pressing back against Karl as his lover sinks deep inside him.

"Yeah - just.." Karl gasps and quickly pulls out, shoving up and in. "Ah, I love you - fucking crazy about you." He laughs as he moves in the man, hands going around Viggo, fingers finding the hard buds of nipples and rubbing them.

"Ngggh!" Viggo cries out, shoving back hard as Karl pushes in, gasping for breath as he works his nipples. "Love you too- more, Karl, please?"

"Yeah, hell yeah." Karl pulls Viggo up to him, back tight against his chest as he thrust up into the tight warmth. He kisses the strong wide shoulder, sucking at the tender skin.

Viggo's hands move to brace himself against the counter, fingers tightening almost painfully as Karl moves inside him. Words slip away into meaningless babble, Karl's name, pleas and promises all blending over each other as his body moves closer towards release.

"My Viggo, mine, mine." Karl mumbles, hips slamming harder and harder, making stuttery little jabs as he feels the tighten coil. He slides his hand down, long fingers wrapping around a cock that he knows as well as his own and stroking.

He nods, lips mouthing out the word 'yours', but not quite managing to make the word audible. He groans as Karl's fingers lace around his cock, fucking his hand a few times before a hoarse cry breaks free, pulsing over his hand.

"Yes!" Karl cries out as the clench slam of Viggo's orgasm ruches through him. He thrusts, shoving hard and coming, laying his forehead against Viggo's back, breath a ragged gulp.

A last cry and Viggo relaxes again, sagging against the counter, his body slicked over with sweat. "God... fuck, Karl," he murmurs, reaching one hand back to smooth against his leg. "Perfect."

"Always." Karl gulps. "Always perfect." He gently pulls out, leaning to kiss Viggo's shoulder, hand touching, patting rubbing.

"Mmm... definitely." Viggo sighs happily, shifting around and wrapping his arms around him. "Uh... Karl?"

"Yeah, Vig?" Karl murmurs, kissing Viggo's sweaty neck, licking at it and humming.

"You smell something burning?"

"Burning?"

"Yeah... I don't know, just something..." Viggo frowns, lifting his head and looking around the room.

"Burn.. motherfucker cunt bastard! FUCK!" Karl roars and turns, snatching the oven open. "Fuck!"

"Oh shit!" Viggo yells out, dashing across the room and getting Karl's 'apron', waving it wildly at the smoke billowing out of the oven. "Goddamned Dennis!"

* * *

"Don't tip it." Karl says, reaching to straighten the bakery box. "We don't need to dump the damn thing on the front walk."

"Don't start with me," Viggo mutters back, fighting the urge to elbow Karl in the ribs. "I don't know why I have to carry the damned thing- it certainly isn't my fault it burned."

"Of course not. You and your arse had nothing to do with it." Karl grumps and knocks on the door, turning the knob and opening it. "Vicky!" He calls.

"Hey- you were the one who decided you couldn't hold back at the sight of me," Viggo hisses, getting a dig into Karl's ribs before he moves in ahead of him.

"Viggo!" Dennis yells. "It's my birthday. Give us a kiss."

Vicky rolls her eyes. "Hi boys." She walks and brushes a kiss across Karl's cheek, patting Viggo. "The birthday boy's bombed."

"And how exactly is that different than any other day?" Viggo laughs, rolling his eyes in echo of Vicky's, ignoring Dennis for the moment. "Here... not exactly what we promised, but it's the right kind of cake anyway," he says, offering her the box.

"Cake?" Dennis asks.

Vicky takes the box and frowns at the men. "What happened? Didn't you get my email?" She asks, pinning Karl with a fierce look. "This is a bakery cake? I specifically sent you his great grand what ever the hell's recipe so you could make a home made cake."

"Uh, it was Vig's fault." He says and points to his lover.

Viggo's foot presses down on Karl's, _hard_ even as he smiles apologetically at Vicky. "We had a few difficulties with the recipe."

"Difficulties? Boil, beat, mix." She says, hands on hips. "What's so difficult?"

"Fucker." Karl hisses and pulls away from Viggo, trying to smile at the red headed woman. "Um.."

"Viggo." Dennis says, squinting at his friend. "You didn't fuck on my cake did you?"

"Do I look covered in cake to you, Dennis?" Viggo faces Dennis, his hands on his hips. Besides, strictly speaking, they didn't fuck _on_ the cake. Just in it's proximity while it burned to a crisp. Thank god for the fire extinguisher Karl had insisted on putting in the kitchen after the ramen noodles incident.

"Well, I'm sure I don't want to see the parts that would be. 'Course anyone with a DVD player already has." Dennis snorts out a laugh and reaches for the cake box.

"Didn't I get you that for your last birthday, Dennis? Ready for a repeat viewing?" Viggo smirks at Dennis.

"It went missing." Dennis says and then glances at Vicky when she clears her throat, tiny smile on her face. "Anyone want a drink?" She says, eyes twinkling as she turns and heads to the kitchen.

Karl blinks. "Um.. Yeah, I'll take one."

Viggo blinks twice. "Make mine a double."

Dennis watches her go and then looks at Karl and Viggo, and blinks. "You know - I'm just gonna take my non-fucked on cake out by the pool. 'Cause it's my birthday and there's things I just don't want to think about." He turns and walks away, cackling. "You boys do remember where the pool is, don't you?"

 

* * *

_**Lady Baltimore Cake** _

**Cake:**   
1/2 cup butter   
1 1/2 cups sugar   
1 cup water   
3 cups flour   
2 teaspoons baking powder   
4 egg whites, stiffly beaten   
1 teaspoon vanilla

**Frosting and Filling:**   
1 1/2 cups sugar   
2/3 cup water   
2 teaspoons light corn syrup   
2 egg whites   
1/8 teaspoon salt   
1 teaspoon vanilla   
1/4 cup chopped pecans   
1/4 cup chopped figs   
1/4 cup raisins   
1/4 cup candied cherries   
1/4 cup candied pineapple

**Cake:**   
In mixing bowl with electric mixer, cream butter and sugar; add the water gradually, then add flour and baking powder. Fold in stiffly beaten egg whites and vanilla. Bake in 3 buttered and floured cake pans in a 375° oven. (Cake from mix may be used)

**Frosting and Filling:**   
Combine sugar, flour, and corn syrup in a saucepan; cook, stirring, over low heat until sugar is dissolved.

Bring to a boil and boil to 240°. Meanwhile, when syrup reaches about 234°, beat egg whites until stiff peaks form; add salt. Remove syrup from heat when 240° is reached and immediately pour a very thin stream over stiffly beaten egg whites and salt, beating constantly. Add vanilla. Continue beating until frosting cools and is of spreading consistency, about 10 minutes.

Add chopped fruits and nuts to about 1/3 of the frosting mixture and use as filling between layers. Frost top and sides of cake with remaining frosting.


End file.
